Finally. Finally, at least with one person... I've at least temporarily gotten to the point where I'm not overly concerned with what I think of them. The 'people pleaser' side is still a bit there, unfortunately, but at least I'm to the point where this person can't really verbally hurt me. I was sort of trying to make that happen, but I think God had something happen because I know it wasn't something I did. Just two days ago, when I got called gay (for what's probably the 45th time) and went through various poking, taunting, prodding about it, I just smiled a little and just said "ok, whatever."
A bit more on the people pleaser part, since Brian and I found it's a bit of something we both have to fight back against. There's still a part of me that just doesn't want this person angry at me, which is probably why my only response is to agree with him. I think this is a bit either ironic, stupid, or both, because if he can't harm me verbally, why should I care if what he says is because he's joking or because he's got an issue with me?
I think it's definitely something I need to talk to God about. I haven't been in prayer as much recently, not sure why, but I haven't. Pretty much the only time I've set aside for God has been my one-minute devo in the morning. While it usually does give me something to stew on, it's usually in the back of my mind by the time I'm through chemistry. Maybe I should bring the devo to school and read it as a reminder during lunch. Or maybe it would be better if I just did a little something right when I got home from school. Hmmm.
1 comment:
well, think about it. you know you're not gay, so why should it matter to you if someone jokingly or even meaningfully calls you gay? you're still the same person to yourself, your family, and God.
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