Influence

People influence me too much.
Today I was told that "I worry about you sometimes." and "Are you depressed? Are you entertaining any harmful thoughts?" and I said no, because even though my day had not been incredibly awesome up to that point, I wasn't feeling too down. So then what happens later on? Just little things. I forget the clip for my camera tripod. I stub my toe. The auto focus refuses to focus on anything and the manual focus (as always) refuses to work.

And all this time, I'm thinking about what I got told, because I'm paranoid. I figure they must have a reason to ask it in the first place. Maybe they're right. Maybe I am depressed.

I eventually start losing it a bit, cussing at the camera, blah blah blah.
Now I'm definitely thinking harmful thoughts.
Not suicidal, mind.
Just angry.

I hit the desk with my toe and begin slamming my fist on it in anger.
I hate it when I get that angry.


And I just feel kind of anti-social lately.
I don't last long at tuesday group, church, whatever.
I've been leaving as soon as I possibly can.
And I don't really want to talk to people much.
I'd really just rather be left alone.
Thinking.


UGH. Ok, just saying, ESPECIALLY when I'm in the car with my headphones on. I'm TRYING to zone out with the music, I don't WANT to be actively participating in a conversation.





Meh.
Anyway, on another note, I saw this chick who left my school after freshmen year today.
It was kind of weird.
I didn't even say a word to her.