Saturday, December 20, 2008

Confliction

So I went to Balboa Park and just took pictures with my friend from school Mary Lou today. It was just cool, I like taking pictures.

But while taking pictures with her, while we were just talking about whatever I kind of realized something about myself, a huge sort of confliction (spellcheck says that's not a word. I'm making it one) that's kind of, I dunno, not bugging me so much as just I don't know if I'll ever resolve it ever.

On the one hand, I've got my really introverted side that doesn't really like being noticed by people, would happily just let life go by without being in the spotlight and seen by a lot of people. I don't want to be out there, because in the world of teenagers, a lot of us suck and are really critical, and if I'm not noticed, I can't really get attacked and put down, etc etc. I don't really wish I was invisible, not to that extreme, but I do just like being in the background sometimes.

But then on the other hand, I most DEFINITELY do not want to blend into the crowd. Anyone can do that, it takes no skill. I don't want to be a stereotype like a nerd, goth, jock, geek, whatever. I don't want to be another myspace user posting song lyrics and <3's>

So one side, doesn't want to be noticed. The other, doesn't want to blend in. I guess what I really want is to not be seen by a lot of people but at the same time still be different from people around me.

I guess part of what spurred this blog post is this thing I got on myspace, called "truth box". Basically, anyone can leave a message and be anonymous. I don't even know why I have it anymore, it's become so ridiculous and such, but I have it. Anyway, I got this message in there, and I'm going to go copy it so I can quote it directly.

Well myspace is being lame, but the gist of it was "wat us ur name about stop being weird and be normal like every1 else." 

Let's see. Chatspeak, misspelling of "is" (they actually spelled is as us, I couldn't believe it) no grammar or capitalization whatsoever.. I think this is a case of someone putting someone they don't know down so they can feel better about themselves.

But seriously!! I mean like, that is EXACTLY why I fight back so hard!

I don't want to be like everybody else.

Ooh. That's a song line and it goes with this blog post. Go youtube "Everybody Else" by care bears on fire. or myspace.com/carebearsonfire 

So that I guess pretty much sums it up.
I don't want to be like everyone else, but at the same time, I really don't want to be noticed.
Let's see how this plays out down the road..

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

whenever i do the truthbox or something anonymous i try and sound as unlike myself as possible. i wasnt the person.